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Saturday, December 28

.......
kaoz.. juz type lots of things.. then can't post.. now i got to retype.. but i too tired liaoz..
type some other days... si4nzZz....

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.

Heli Dont ask me why 2:23 AM

Thursday, December 26

heLL0z~
nuthin much to say today..coz too tired liaoz..
aniwae..wasn't quite happy with the preparations for the orientation today.. well...

Heli Dont ask me why 11:37 PM

Wednesday, December 25

forgot to add something.. i find this song quite nice and perhaps many of you might know this..
and for those who dunno, well, like to introduce this to you.. its very nice.. merry christmas people!

Song: Last Christmas

Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance
But you still catch my eye
Tell me baby
Do you recognize me?
Well
It's been a year
It doesn't surprise me
(Happy Christmas)
I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying "I love you"
I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now
I know you'd fool me again
Chorus
A crowded room
Friends with tired eyes
I'm hiding from you
And your soul of ice
My god I thought you were
Someone to rely on
Me?
I guess I was a shoulder to cry on
A face on a lover with a fire in her heart
A girl under cover but you tore me apart
Now I've found a real love you'll never fool me again
Chorus (2x)
A face on a lover with a fire in her heart
A girl under cover buy you tore him apart
Maybe next year I'll give it to someone
I'll give it to someone special

Heli Dont ask me why 7:02 PM

mErRy=x'MaS!!~
wow..merry christmas everybody!!
hmm..dunno why no feEliN~ to write today's journal..hmm..probably becoz i juz woke up or wad..
hm..yesterday not able to update coz too tired liaoz...
well..like wad i mentioned le..i will update my journal on the bday thingy!
haha..first. want to say thanz to everybody that celebrate my bday for me!! i realli appreciate what you guys had done, and i really am touched by everything..Coz this is also the first time i celebrate my bday with so many friends, and received so many presents... this year birthday realli had been a veri memorable one for me..well and even more surprising thing was when i came back from the celebrations, i found a present and card on my table! then i realise that, my eldest brother had actually remembered my birthday!! wow... that would have been the headline of my birthday this year! perhaps ppl might ask, "what's the big deal?" haha.. my eldest brother would probably be the last person i thought that he will give me present... we had not really talk for the past 6 years? and this is the very first year i receive presents from my brothers? is it the start of our bro-sis relationship? i really hope that the sour relationship we had over the years would turn for the better? well, not forgeting to thank my dad too.. for the hongbao.. and this year, someone i juz got to know, someone i never talk to, had also give me a hongbao.. well.. seriously, before i came home, i really was in a state where no words can describe how happy i was, and i really dunno how to react.. but when i came home, and when my dad pass me the hongbaos, and i come to know that "she" give too... all of a sudden, i just "stop". i couldn't understand why i had been that way too.. ironic.. i really sadden down.. would anybody be able to explain? i think the first person that come to my mind when i saw the hongbao from her was actually my mum...she had never given me anything before on my birthdays...and she wouldn't be able to give me anywhere, anything, anytime, anymore...i juz can't imagine next year, when my dad and her get married..i really have no idea what i will do...juz this red packet from her had actually sweep away my happiness? what about she having my dad? questions questions questions... i'm afraid somethings in life really juz remains as mysteries..and i truly agree with that..
well..today's christmas, i don't wanna spoil the day of mine and ppl that read my blog.. sometimes i just wonder.. i am actually like an indicator..serious.. look.. my starting of the blog was actually happy.. and it turns from happy to solemn.. well.. ??
well its christmas again.. and yesterday we went to marina bay for steamboat!! not much fun over there.. but nearly set the place on fire.. den we head for orchard before the day reaches 12midnight.. wow.. indeed there's a lot of ppl over there.. and we onli walked about for less than an hour? then we headed home.. nuthing much about this year christmas.. but at least it had been a better one than the previous years where i just stay at home, where christmas was juz another day to pass... well.. contradicting?
aniwae, before i end my blog, wanna wish all of you merry christmas though i am a freethinker, i juz hope that something will bless you all!!stay happy always!
heli ('',)

Heli Dont ask me why 6:48 PM

Tuesday, December 24

yoyoz!!!
hey thanks a lot ppl!! for the celebration of my bday!! wow... realli thanks for the planning...
i realli veri touched and happy today!!! it had been a memorable day for me man!! thanz everyone!!!!!!!!!
well.. i shall end here first.. coz.. i realli am veri tired now.. hmm.. i'll tok abt the bbq i had today the next time i update my journal!!
haha.. thanz ppl for the presents too!!! realli thank you!!

Heli Dont ask me why 12:20 AM

Monday, December 16

todae is a veri bad day man...
haiz.. i find myself back to my ownself.. own struggles with life..
i dunno what has gone wrong... i realli dunno... for the whole of today until now, i hadn't feel relax...
there's sumthing kept, or stuck within me which i can't take out... what the hell is it??
and.. i think many will say i am crazy for what i am going to say next..
i wake up 0520 in the morning... and took a cab to the airport..
today, ven, isa, yixin is flying to kuching.. and i went there just to see them off...
well.. i know.. its stupid... but i juz kept telling myself i want to go... for what?
i don't know.. just this few dayz.. i do things without me understanding what's the reason....
then when i reached the airport, well... isabelle and yixin were stunned to see me there of course..
well... i don't know why, when i saw yixin.. it.. there's just sum kind of feeling i had which i can't describe...
i mean... i don't know what it is.. and i don't know how to describe it... why do i always have that king of feeling?
i looked at her... i mean... she looks very.. very mature to me.. very.. sister friend...
well... i really don't know why i feel that way... the feeling of leaving someone is really unbearable...
haiz.. sux lah.. wah kaoz... why always have dat kind of feeling de...
arghz.. cannot! i muz break free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bLeAhZ!!!=P

Heli Dont ask me why 7:08 PM

Friday, December 13

yoz..
hmm.. veri sianz now.. so cum and write..
juz now over the 9.33FM radio.. got one song by kit chan... sumthin about mother de..
den.. hmm.. the lyrics..make me recall the past lorz..
ehz.. yingxian u all arh.. dun say i think the past again.. is realli cannot help it de.. so... sorry lorz..
haiz.. hmm.. abt 6 months since she go le.. miss her very much..
in the past she work in the clinic de..den everyday will call me.. as in in the holidays lroz.. den will ask me eat le mahz.. and a lot..
especially when raining day.. she will call and ask me to check if the windows close le mahz..
hm.. and today got rain.. well.. in the past dislike her to call me every now and den... buden now.. haiz..
and also i want tell you all.. muz learn to cherish your papa and mama.. and all those dat care alot for you...
dun wait till dey are gone then u cum and cry for them.. no use de.. especially to your family members..
to ur parents.. learn to listen to them and respect them.. then dose that got siblings.. muz learn to compromise each other.. then got time go out with family more often.. sumtimes when u see your family member sad sad.. go and comfort them.. no harm ritez?
and den also... dun keep spending money anyhow le.. though i neva go thru the hardship of earning money b4.. i know its very hard de.. papa mama need to work from morning to night.. so muz spare a thought for them...
hm... cum to say abt money.. i damn bloody nei jiu(guilty).. my hp bill for nov.. 168++
very jia lat... hmm.. so i shall reduce mi sms and calling usage...
hmm.. den in the past.. mama save a lot de.. even as little as 5cents which may seems nuthin to most of you.. she is willing to walk a longer distance to save dat 5cents.. well.. i think she realli thinks alot for the family de...
in the past she kept sayin we treat her like maid.. den neva care for her de..
wow.. i remembered i hear that.. i realli angry like siaoz man... but now cum to think of it.. hmm.. actually what she say may not be wrong... when have we ever help her with de household chores even though she dun wan us to help..
haiz.. realli cannot help but regret.. i know you all will say i regret now also no use.. be more grateful to my dad can le..
howeva... sumtimes things in life.. is not say want to forget can forget de.. especially someone dat is with you for almost 15yrs.. u expect me how to.. i mean.. not trying to say you all not in my shoes and cannot understand.. i dun mean dat..
hm... i dunno how explain la~
sho~ ppl..dun take them for granted... when dey say bye bye.. den u sad also no use de..
dat's why i am regreting like siao now... and i cannot do anything to it le... don't follow my footsteps le..
not nice to walk de.. be guai hai zhi k?
sho i end here le....
bUaIZ~!~!

Heli Dont ask me why 7:44 PM

Thursday, December 12

hiz
i think most of you sleeping now..
haiz.. sianz.. that's why i cum here and type...
well... hmm.. lately nuthin much ba.. buden... receive a lot of "slaps" from mi friends..
most xiong is yingxian and cass de..
buai ta han man... hey ppl~dun get the wrong idea horz.. i not saying real slap.. i meant letters..
hmm.. both of you talk about me smoking.. well..~~??
hmz.. i also cannot accept dat i go smoke la seriously.. u ask me why.. i also dunno...
life is always like dat.. i do things.. sumtimes, there's no explanation... anyway.. i gonna stop it la..
i won't want to do things that's harmful and sumthing i can't explain for..
hmm.. howeva.. the slaps by them and other friends.. is gd lorX~
hmm.. this time round.. no empty promise.. i realli gonna change myself lez...
no more unhappy, sad, pessimistic, over sensitive heli will continue lez..
i will say a STOP to all these nonsense.. and i really want to change.
and down here.. i really hope my friendz will support me le!~ hehez.. i knew you all will de ritEz?
well.. yahz.. hmm.. i am not that good in writing journal lez.. all maybe at this moment...
my mind total blank suddenly...
yahz..den my dad that thingy.. well.. i think he is serious this time round with the new gf he had...
that time i saw him showing her the photo he had wif my mum the last time.. hmm.. at least he is true lorz
and i don't think he is dat bad to betray my mum.. maybe he realli want to build a new "family" again?
hmm..wadeva it is.. i think as long as he is happy, i really dun care lorz... i think.. i can't always stay with him forever..
once i grown up.. and i will have my own family de.. den he will be alone.. maybe a new gf for him is gd baz~
anyway, sumone commented on my actions b4..
well.. i wun say who dis person is.. sum know.. sum dunow..
she said that i was selfish..
well... dun be stun or what.. haiz.. i heard le.. quite sad ba..
but i think she think that way coz i never care abt my dad's feeling... buden.. how do you want me to care?
as in, since he already got gf liaoz.. den somemore i see him talk on the phone so happy... den with her so happy
i saw the photo they took in jurong bird park..
really.. long time no see my dad happy le... i think.. i will really try to accept her..
yahz.. buden.. really lahz..
i in the house.. really sumtimes cannot bear it lorz.. is really too lonely le.. haiz.. we all do our own things..
then no communication at all... very sian.. cold de... bthz..
well.. this is my family ba..
k la.. end here le... buaiZ~

Heli Dont ask me why 3:42 AM

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